I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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