I'm going to jail i love you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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