Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale