i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
