You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success