Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
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You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.