my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.