I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night