Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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