In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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