I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
