JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
