he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
