OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
