Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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