I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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