I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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