...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
