but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
