I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
