I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
