I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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