a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
