Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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