I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
