Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
