we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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