Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
