This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize