I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
