haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
