So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
