Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
