can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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