Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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