Pappa wants mamma naked
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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