Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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