she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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