It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
