my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
