I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
