Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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