can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
