you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
