Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
