youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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