What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
