Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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