What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
