the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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