Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
