the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
