You work out of a Hotel?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
