i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
