question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
