you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
