One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
