all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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