GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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