Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
