508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
