My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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