I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
