So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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