Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
