Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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