her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
