How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
