I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
