Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can you bring me the toilet please
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
