she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize