so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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