He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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