Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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