Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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